Release date to coincide with Warner Bros’ Superman V Batman: Dawn of Justice
Not to be outdone by their distinguished competition, Marvel Studios has announced that they will release a movie based on their Squadron Supreme line of comic books.
Squadron Supreme, first created in the 1970s by Roy Thomas and John Buscemi, are a team of superheroes analogous to the DC comics superteam The Justice League, which will first debut in the upcoming Zack Snyder directed Superman V Batman, also set for release on March 25, 2016.
Snyder’s film, starring Henry Cavill as Superman and Ben Affleck as Batman, was originally set for release for 2015, then pushed back to May 6, 2016, the same date as the yet untitled third Captain America film is slated for release. It is unknown at press time whether the dates will change again.
“Surprise, motherfuckers!” Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige stated from the Marvel Studios offices in Burbank, CA. “Thought you could get away from us, didn’t you?”
The core Squadron Supreme team consists of Hyperion, who is pretty much Superman, Nighthawk, who is Batman dressed as a black hawk, and Power Princess, who is exactly, and I mean exactly, the same damn character as Wonder Woman. Look at her.
It’s goddamn Wonder Woman.
“Realizing that they still don’t know what the fuck they’re doing,” Feige continued, “we just said ‘fuck it, let’s fast track this thing’. It still shows we can throw together a straight rip-off of the Justice League and put more thought into our cinematic universe than the Warner boys down the street.”
Adding insult to injury, Marvel has also countered the nine new dates that Warner Bros. announced with nine films of their own.
Alpha Flight – 08/05/16
Howard the Duck – 06/23/17
NFL SuperPro – 11/17/17
Black Captain America – 03/23/18
Black Female Captain America – 07/27/18
Black Female Atheist Captain America with a Green Card – 11/16/18
Squadron Supreme 2: The New 53 – 04/05/19
Ultimate Spider-Man: F*** You, Sony, You’d Let Us Buy The Rights Back for a Ford Taurus and a Handy from Quesada – 04/03/20
Runaways (finally) – 06/19/20
When asked for comment, no one at Warner Bros. knew who to talk to, the public relations team were updating their résumés, and Snyder was seen walking into a conference room with a handful of pencils, muttering “here we go again. Shit.”
Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy, starring a tree and a raccoon, is in theaters now.